New Travel Policies

          DUM has chosen to remain silent to protest its lack of funding. This is because all our supposed friends in Washington have had recent bouts of complete spinal atrophy, a disease where the backbone is totally absent. Due to this unfortunate condition, we no longer have a voice in congress to protest administrative judgment errors, national security leaks and irrational financial actions. But that does not mean we have abrogated our duties. DUM is ready to advise Americans on how to conduct themselves in hostile territories abroad or at home.

          To prevent disastrous situations from emerging in foreign nations, DUM advises all US Citizens to have a valid, up-to-date USA passport, secure appropriate visas from nations on their itinerary and to wear protective gear as needed. DUM recommends specific measures for each language one might encounter. Please review our nation-by-nation guidance immediately upon planning travel to potentially dangerous places like: Canada, Greenland, Europe (except Russia), Asia (except North Korea and Iran), Africa, Latin America and Australia. We have not determined whether Antarctica or New Zealand pose a threat to our citizens. As situations are constantly evolving, DUM officials request you review the list as options may have changed.

          Permanent residents (green card holders) must decide if foreign travel may become a one-way journey. US government policies have been purposefully vague on this issue, so DUM advises caution. These rules do not apply to gold card holders, who have explicit permission to bring in investment capital providing that they have paid their annual card fees and bring in to the US amounts exceeding $1,000,000,000 (one billion dollars) in funds taken by any means from a foreign power or corporation. For aliens residing without documentation, the US Departments of State and Homeland Security will provide you with free transportation to resort facilities located in various Latin American nations. This is a one-time offer and there is a no return policy.

          Travel within numerous US states and territories has recently become dangerous to both citizens and permanent residents. If you fall into any of the following categories, you may be arrested, deported, deprived of normal legal status or held without any rights:

1.    Green card holders protesting causes unpopular with the administration. Note: Protesters carrying signage depicting racism, anti-Semitism and misogyny or involved in the violent attacks on the US Capitol will be exonerated.

2.    Members of the media reporting in ways not congruent to the administration’s interpretation of reality.

3.    University administrators, professors, researchers or students. Or educated, intellectual free-thinking individuals of any type.

4.    Democrats (i.e. left-wing radical lunatics) visiting states that helped the current administration win the election by the greatest landslide the world has ever seen.

5.    Late night comedians, MSNBC and CNN pundits, political cartoonists, center left You Tube personalities, economists, AI satirists and Randy Rainbow.

6.    Former administration officials, fired or resigned Trump 1.0 and 2.0 officials, generals, justices and former POW veterans.

7.    Any person unfortunate enough to be on the Trump enemy list.

8.    Any physician, nurse, medical school or clinic found guilty of holding opinions or practicing any medical procedure contrary to the whims of the administration. Note: Any attempt to use logic, medical and scientific data or to provide compassionate care will be dealt with in the strictest manner possible to the full extent of the law.

9.    Any person expressing opinions in opposition to approved administration policies. Note: DUM has placed a travel advisory on polling sites in numerous jurisdictions.

10. Accused woke individuals and any person to whom DEI could possibly be applied.

11. Tesla car owners. Note: DUM has placed a travel advisory on Tesla dealerships as well.