Greetings from DOGE City

DOGE will slash every agency budget in the upcoming year. According to DOGE Secretary Musk, the DOGE budget will be exempt from being reduced. This will allow DOGE employees to have job security and be able to continue their own waste, fraud and abuse. DOGE funding will be increased to provide its employees with salaries and benefits commensurate with private sector jobs.

          Slashing will be carried out in an organized manner, but will not be limited to budgetary issues. DOGE employees enraged that they are disliked just because they perform their duties will be known as Mad Slashers. Each will be given long sharpened knives to carry out their tasks. As it is illegal to slash prices at American businesses, Mad Slashers will slash car tires to promote sales. To help reduce wasteful entitlements such as Social Security and Medicare, patriotic senior Americans will be asked to join in the slashing fun by voluntarily slashing their own wrists and throats.

          The President was so impressed by Secretary Musk’s show of allegiance at the inauguration, that he has ordered his enthusiastic salute to replace the current standard military salute. Whenever US troops address the Commander-in-Chief, they will use the Musk Salute and shout this greeting: “Hi Y’all, Trump” a minimum of three times.

          DOGE Secretary Musk has yet another idea to decrease spending and reduce the size of the Presidential Cabinet by fifty percent. This novel approach involves merging each of the fifteen cabinet posts (plus DOGE) with another to create a new department. While this has not yet been approved, we did learn about this information after unintentionally being invited to a chat conference headed by Musk and other high level administration persons. The official announcement could be released any day.

          Here are the planned consolidations and proposed Department names:

Department One             Department Two                      New Department Name

State                             Agriculture                             State Farms

Energy (Consolidated with) Education                  Con Ed Energy

Homeland Security         Housing Urban Development    Home Deport

Transportation                Treasury                                 Money Ride

Veteran Affairs               Labor                                     Animal Obstetrics

Health Human Services   Interior                                   Internal Medicine

Commerce                     Justice                                    Purchasing Justice

Defense                         DOGE                                   Armed Robbery

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