CDC Warns of New Viral Outbreak

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has made a earth shattering discovery of a dangerous contagious virus that has been present in the USA for over one year. The rapidity of the spread has astounded all experts in the health field and has doctors and other medical workers frightened of the deadly nature of this illness. Although some medical researchers were debating making a release of early data on this debilitating malady, calmer heads prevailed until enough evidence had been collected to support their assertions.

Flunky Pox (also called the Stupidity virus) started circulating in American communities in early 2024, but did not reach epidemic numbers until later in the year. It is thought the virus is transmitted through wearing red baseball style caps on the head. Infected people then spread flunky pox to their neighbors through political discussions and rallies. Some cases have been noted through repeated exposure to media such as Fox, Truth Social and others. Stupidity virus cases soared through the next several months. Although there was a brief interlude in the epidemic in July, August and September, by late October and early November flunky pox cases rose to over 77 Million. With that many affected individuals, normal and expected behaviors were challenged. Experts decry that such an overwhelming number of infected people could change thinking patterns and lead to making irrational decisions, especially in matters of voting and personal hygiene.

While there is no cure for Stupidity virus, there are preventative measures that the CDC recommends all Americans attempt.

1. Get vaccinated against Flunky Pox as soon as you can. Once you have the disease, it is too late.

2. Use protective head wear. Avoid placing red caps on your head, even briefly.

3. Maintain a healthy diet of nutritious news from CBS, CNN, AP, ABC, NBC, MSNBC, Reuters, PBS and similar safe and sane media sources.

4. Look for early signs of stupidity such as agreeing with any Trump policy decision.

5. If you notice any stupidity sign, seek immediate professional help.

6. Remember, there may not be a cure for Flunky Pox, but there is hope with properly administered rehabilitation and mental therapy.