"A Penny For Your Thoughts" Will Now Cost You A Nickel

The Trump administration has devised a novel scheme to make inflation disappear like magic. The much hated and expensive to produce one cent piece, commonly known as a penny, will end production when the coin blanks run out. Once the circulating pennies start going away, retailers will move their prices up to the nearest nickel. No pennies equals no complaints about a two or three percent price increase. Trump treasurer Scott Bessent has predicted most Americans will never miss the penny.

The president reportedly likes the idea of removing the penny so much, that he has moved forward with plans to eliminate the nickel in 2027. This will force retailers to move prices to the nearest dime. In 2028, he plans to remove dimes from circulation, which will require pricing to be raised to the nearest quarter.

If elected to a third term in 2028, Trump promises to remove the quarter coin by 2029. Because fifty cent and dollar coins no longer circulate, prices will be adjusted to the nearest paper dollar. Americans love their paper dollars so much, that those will be difficult to eliminate. With so many prices are in dollar increments, the government will introduce new copper plated dollar coins 0.75 inches in diameter and weighing about 3.11 grams. These small dollar coins will be easy to carry and cost much less than a dollar to produce, giving the US Mint a huge profit. The Trump Administration will be announcing a contest to decide which president should be on the coin. The leading contenders are Donald Trump, Herbert Hoover and Abraham Lincoln. Unfortunately, Trump cannot be on the placed on the coin because he is not dead. Hoover, though a Republican and dead, started the Great Depression, so is unlikely to be considered. The new Lincoln dollar coins are expected to be released in 2030.

See this article for new higher denomination paper notes.