Trump Announces Newest Side Hustle Plans

After a ground breaking infomercial for 'Tesler' automobiles at the White House, President Trump feels he no longer has to hide his money making ambitions. Accepting gifts from foreign governments (like Qatar's $400 million luxury 747 jet 'gift'), while against the Emoluments Clause of the US Constitution, is fine with President Trump. And so are massive 'pay for play' fund raising dinners in Mar-a-lago. In fact, the Trump family has such a strong history of grift that it has enriched itself like no other crime family the world has ever seen. With bibles, cryptocurrency, guitars, shoes, trading cards, profitable bankruptcies, watches, mobile phone services, universities and other passé schemes already bringing in tons of cash from his unsuspecting supporters, Trump has set his eyes on much bigger fish.

"My previous commercial ventures have been very successful. In fact, there has never been a president in our history that has made more side cash than myself." Trump was quoted. "So, I would like to announce the latest in a series of ways I can help your business perform as a winner. I like that word, winner. It has such a wonderful sound to it. Winner, winner."

After another thirty-seven minutes of wandering aimlessly in his address, the White House Press Secretary read a prepared statement to the assembled press.

"President Trump would like to promote your business in as many ways as he can. Imagine, having Donald Trump extolling praise on your brand. This opportunity is one you cannot afford to miss out on. The President has promised to show your product or service in a flattering way in any official White House setting. His endorsements range from ten second spots to a full minute. Fees will depend on the product, who the company owner is, how long is the ad runs, the size of the market and whether the President likes you or not. Full details are available at www.whitehouse.gov/grift–opportunities."