Trump Administration Signs Historic Treaty

For the first time in the history of the United States of America, President Trump has managed to achieve the impossible. A potentially hostile entity was brought to the negotiating table and through sheer enormity of presence, POTUS was able to get concessions favorable to his agenda. Though most pundits thought this was a pipe dream, Trump proved all of them wrong with this show of force. Even historians say they never expected this adversary to back down as easily as it did. But this was all based on the records of much weaker presidents who used ordinary constitutional means to achieve much lesser results.

In this accord, The United States Congress has admitted its complete subservience to the President and acknowledged his sovereignty over all their affairs. Congress has conceded to POTUS all powers of taxation without even a whimper. Other compromises Congress has made in this Non-Aggression Treaty include:

1. Congress will not commit aggression or arguments against any key Trump policy.

2. Congress will obey all Executive Orders without question.

3. Congress will roll over and play dead (attaboy!)

4. Congress will stand blindly in the bright light even if being run over is imminent.

5. Congress will lie on the road and play possum.

6. Congress promises to "kiss his ass" whenever called to do so.

7. Congress will approve each and every high level nominee no matter how vile, corrupt, stupid or incompetent they may appear to outside observers.

The President had to make some allowances on his end. Although he did this begrudgingly, the Art of The Deal rules demand that both sides must give and take to achieve an agreement. The key is Trump will take nearly everything and give very little. Here are the President's allowances to Congress:

1. Congress may remain, for the time being, in its current housing. Rent may be increased.

2. No tariffs will be imposed on Congress as long as it follows all provision of the treaty.

3. Individual Congressmen will be allowed to pretend they're still doing something important, even if they are not.

4. From time to time, Congressmen may speak to the media to praise the President, his policies and his agenda.

This Treaty will be binding on all parties, even though left-wing radical lunatics may whine and bitch. All provisions of the treaty will be enforced retroactively to January 20, 2025. A similar treaty is being considered for members of the Judiciary.