The Department of Treasury: There’s a new tariff in town!

          American residents will be required to pay all tariffs up front. The President has also said foreign governments will pay for these tariffs. To expedite this, after paying the tariff, one should download Tax form GL0376B from the IRS webpage. Merely fill out the form, have it notarized and mail the form by certified international postage to the appropriate tariffed nation. The other nation must reimburse the citizen within three weeks or face further tariffs. Failure to comply will be taken as a hostile action. The Department of the Treasury wishes all American citizens good luck in this endeavor.

          Tariffs are calculated using an intricate formula devised by the economic wizards at Trump University. Although it is way too complicated to show graphically, it can be explained quite simply in the following analogy. If Johnny has three American apples and Mary has four Canadian apples, Johnny will tariff Mary one apple. This will make things equal out as now the apples are the same. Unless Mary reciprocates by placing a tariff on Johnny of one apple. Then, Johnny will be forced to tariff another apple in return to make things fair again. It is hoped Mary has learned her lesson and stops sending her inferior Canadian apples to the USA once and for all.

          Tax cuts in the trillions of dollars are expected to be enacted due to DOGE savings. If you are making more than $100 million a year, you can expect to receive a massive rebate, even if you did not pay any taxes ever. People making less than $200,000 a year are expected to receive at least 15 cents plus any 'trickle-down' money generated by the Billionaire Tax Cut Program.