New Voting Regulations to be Enforced

          All voting machines will require a ‘tune-up’ prior to elections to ensure the proper votes are registered regardless of the voter’s intent. Paper ballots in blue districts will now be printed on flimsy paper to facilitate shredding while being counted. Ballots will no longer be accepted from any unregistered person unless it is for the approved parties (i.e. The Republican Party). Similarly, mail-in ballots must be mailed prior to any declared candidacy being made. Presidential voting for 2028 is already underway in several states. There appears to be only one approved candidate, President Donald J. Trump. Armed guards will be posted at polling sites to ensure compliance and a ‘safe’ voting environment. People mentioning to reporters any voting preferences outside of administration approved candidates will have every one of their ballots retroactively destroyed going back to their first time voting.

          Additionally, as voting costs have been rising and voting station budgets reduced, DOGE would like to see these costs passed on to the voters. Therefore, in the next election a tariff will be placed on all voters except Republicans. While the Trump administration realizes that poll taxes are illegal, legal opinion is that poll tariffs are not.

          Because voting is inefficient, costly, divisive and results unpredictable, the Trump Administration is actively working to achieve its campaign goal of eliminating federal elections altogether. POTUS has said on multiple occasions: “Why do we need another election when the American people have already chosen the best president in history by the widest margin the world has ever seen?”  Mock elections with pre-determined results have already been prepared for 2028, 2032 and beyond. You might as well stay at home and stream cartoons or porno.

          Truth in advertisement laws will now be enforced by listing all political parties with descriptive labels. This will help voters chose the party and candidates that best suit their interests and beliefs.

Party :                                                  Appropriate Descriptive Label :

Democratic Party                              Left-wing Radical Lunatics

Republican Party                               Right-wing Brainwashed Fascists

Green Party                                       Tree Hugging Tye-Dye Potheads

Libertarian Party                               Self-Centered Uncaring Anarchists

Constitution Party                             Old Useless Document Adherents

Peace and Freedom Party               Nursing-home Hippie Throwbacks

American Independent  Party         Sick Nazi Bastards

Tea Party                                            Irrelevant MAGA Wannabees

          Other political parties will be added if they arise and gain the attention of the administration.