New Communication Policies from the White House Press Secretary

 It has come to the attention of the President that public officials have been lax in correctly responding to reporters, especially those who are leftwing radical lunatics. Badgering or repetitive questioning has made many of the administration spokesmen appear confused, foolish, evasive or untruthful. The President has expressed his disapproval and has distributed these twenty approved responses.

1.    I don’t know.

2.    I never heard of that.

3.    How did you ever come up with such a stupid idea?

4.    It never happened.

5.    I know nothing about … (insert topic mentioned by interviewer)

6.    I’m sure it was the left-wing radical lunatics who were behind that.

7.    It was Joe Biden’s fault.

8.    It was Obama’s fault.

9.    Kam-ala, Kah-malia, Melania. I still don’t know how to pronounce it.

10. Hillary did the same thing and she got away with it.

11. Why aren’t you reporting on something important, like rapist immigrants?

12. Rusher, Rusher, Rusher Hoax.

13. Witch Hunt.

14. They’re all victims of Trump Denial Syndrome.

15. To be or not to be, did you just ask me a question?

16. You’re a nasty woman.

17. We have chosen only the best, most qualified people. They’d never do that.

18. You’re a foreign reporter. I don’t have to respond to you.

19. I heard that… (insert rumor or conspiracy theory here)

20. If you ask me that question again, your press privileges will be revoked.

Any question that cannot be answered with one of the above approved responses will be met with the following response:

"I think this is the end of this interview session."