Harvard University Outsmarts Trump!

America's oldest and probably the most prestigious university, Harvard in Cambridge, MA, has been under the guns of the Trump administration for months. After Barron Trump was reportedly rejected by Harvard for being too tall, Trump got incensed and fired back. First he removed federal grants. Then he scared away foreign students with threats of deportation. Including the Princess of Belgium, our ally. His latest threat to remove all remaining federal grants from Harvard and transfer these funds to trade school has caused quite a stir at the Ivy League institution.

Starting immediately, Harvard will be known as Harvard Technical Trade School. It will therefore be eligible to receive more than three billion dollars taken away from Harvard University. Harvard Tech will offer the same high quality courses and degrees, but courses and majors will now have new names. See below:

Advanced Fluid Dynamics will be called Plumbing.

Pharmacy will be called Pharmacy Technician.

Medicine will be called Medical Assistant.

Materials Engineering will be called General Contracting.

Electrical Engineering will be called Electrician.

Architecture will be called Carpentry.

Business will be called Secretarial Studies.

Cybernetics will be called Computer Programming.

Dermatology will be called Cosmetology.

Transportation Engineering will be called Auto Mechanics.

Metallurgical Sciences will be called Welding.

Polymer Sciences will be called Plastic Recycling

Law will be called Legal Secretary