Church and State End 250 Years of Separation

It took a lot of counseling and legal finagling, but the long time separation of Church from State is finally over. Due to irreconcilable differences, Church and State agreed to a trial separation nearly 250 years ago. While intended to be a total divorce, it never was finalized. Now, the two have agreed to end their bickering and to get together for the 'sake of the children'. People of (almost) all faiths* are rejoicing with choruses of Amen and Hallelujah! It seems that if you are a practitioner of certain approved religious beliefs, your children may soon be given tax payer supported vouchers to attend the religious school you've always wanted them to go to, but never could afford.

Yes, money will be taken away from public schools and channeled into your favorite sectarian institution, as long as it meets the 'preferred religion' requirement. No longer will you be supporting the failing public education system that produces millions of left-wing radical lunatics! Instead, tax monies originally intended to support all public schools will be siphoned to your private religious academy. Too bad for the chums left to rot in the public schools. You see, if a child has difficult behaviors, requires extra resources, has disabilities, is not of the desired religion or ethnicity, they will be forced to attend public school while your kid gets a free ride at their expense. Remember, private schools don't have to take everybody, but public schools do. Talk about cosmic justice! It's almost as if God himself was whispering into the ears of our Supreme Court Justices.

So, pack up your kids, buy them some cool new uniforms and get out those bibles (President Trump has some for sale). Prepare them for a focused, limited education that has no room for controversial subjects like evolution, ecology, politics, current events, critical thinking and an unrestricted reading list. No longer will they fail in public schools, they will have every opportunity to fail in private, religious schools.

This offer does not apply to: Hinduism, Islam, Baha'i, Buddhism, Shintoism, LDS, Jainism, Sikhism, Taoism, Zoroastrianism, Orthodox Churches, Non-Roman Catholic Churches, Quakers, Jehovah Witnesses, Seventh Day Adventists, Herbangelism, Voodoo, Santaria, Shamanism, Native American Religions, religions we can't pronounce, religions we never heard of, religions we don't like and certainly not Judaism.

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