J.D. "Shady" Vance

VicePresident of the United States

Accomplishments: Changed his name several times until he finally ‘got it right’. Wrote the controversial and questionably truthful “Hillbilly Elegy” noted as a guide to understanding Trump’s win, misogynist (especially against childless cat ladies), anti-European and pro-Russian sentiments. Accused of using his 501c3 charity as a front for his political ambitions and of mistreating his farm workers in Kentucky. Once called Trump America’s Hitler, now is content to be America’s Himmler. Insulted legal Haitian-American citizen residents of his own state by repeating falsehoods they ate cats and dogs. Fumbled trophy, sofas, donuts and international relations.

Qualifications: Served only two years (of six) of his Ohio US Senate term.

Philosophy: I can kiss Trump’s ass better, each-and-every day!

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